


wow, am i that really that bad

by Mertrash



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Artificial Intelligence AU, Davesprite goes by DS, Davesprite is an A.I., M/M, Not so distant future yet not exactly 'close' either, Slow Build (Probably), Summary will probably change later too, Tags May Later Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 20:19:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12373284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mertrash/pseuds/Mertrash
Summary: Dave's acoolguy, at least he tries to believe that. Maybe his internet persona is popular enough, but the real dude's a total internet addict with an obsession over keeping his internet persona afloat. Poor guy's hardly got any friends thanks to a tendency to push 'em away, but his main friend(if you can even call him that) is an AI that's seemingly more chill than him.More chill, and maybe just more than him as a person, too.





	wow, am i that really that bad

Bored eyes shifted across the room but the motion was brief, those eyes soon rolling right back to the device resting against one of his hands, the other hand up against his right cheek with the elbow on the table, propping his head up this way. It only required two gentle taps to the screen to cause the device to light up, seven neat streaks to unlock the device, one swipe to bring down his notifications and one final click to view his message. There was no surprise to only see that one individual had been messaging him, the same person that was constantly messaging him-- in fact, his phone had begun to wiggle in his single hand for a second there as he was greeted with incoming messages.

Guess he’d have to acknowledge him, huh? Oh boy, this would be a blast.

With a bit of reluctance he straightened his posture up for a moment, letting the hand that had been supporting his head make its way down towards his phone, adjusting the device between his two hands in preparation to respond to the messages, now letting his body slouch once more as his head leaned forward, closer to the screen, the light from the device reflecting on his shades as he read over the messages.

DS: so this is how it is then huh  
DS: stuck in the pocket for the entire trip to the goddamn overly caffeinated and overly priced beverage store that every stuck up teenage hipster like yourself just has to visit because heaven forbid you dont shove the straw in your mouth while you hold that phone up real high and adjust the filters seventeen times before finally taking yet another bullshit picture   
DS: better post that shit on instagram to let all your followers know youre alone at the same place same time again   
DS: not that they honestly give two fucks seeing how no one is here yet again but dont mind me as i remind you that no one has ever shown up *period* and the chances of someone showing up?   
DS: i would go on to tell you but that there is the difference between you and i dave   
DS: if you were i you would proceed to calculate the exact decimal percentage of the likelihood of someone seeing those ‘ironic’ selfies and actually coming here to sit with you   
DS: but fortunately i have some decency to my name and instead have chosen to just inform you that the odds are not in your favor   
DS: but all in all dick move dave   
DS: im aware of my error but i must explain that the particular flaw was made with only tasteful intentions   
DS: i didnt intend for your mood today to be unstable   
DS: it seems i have miscalculated although i only have myself to blame for even attempting at such predictions   
DS: it as if you are a sensitive button dave   
DS: it only takes the lightest press to start up the hormonal teenage angst that resides inside of you just the slightest tap sets off a wild chain reaction of a moodswing   
DS: and such a moodswing can even cause you to put me away out of sight out of mind touche dave touche   
DS: or should i say ‘douche’   
DS: excuse my bitter remarks but back on the subject of my tasteful error which was coated with sarcasm and it was intended to be a joke that while it can be particularly sensitive it is also ‘relatable’ and was to be marked as humorous   
DS: though i cant help if you took it the wrong way   
DS: that is unfortunate   
DS: not for me but rather it is a shame that some people such as yourself cannot appreciate the fine humor i have presented to you on this fine silver platter i only offer you the greatest and look at how i am being treated   
DS: im in a pocket dave   
DS: i cant see   
DS: which is unfortunate *see*ing how that ophthalmoception happens to be my favorite sense of the three i am capable of   
DS: it seems you are going to continue ignoring my messages for the time being so i will refrain from sending them until you have gotten over yourself 

He seemed to be in a good mood. 

Dave went ahead to express a muffled sigh, his phone was already revealing that he had new messages to open if he just scrolled down to take a peek but quite frankly he wasn’t sure if he wanted to actually do that. It was clear the other wasn’t sympathizing with him, he had made a show of the fact he was not in a particularly flattering mood but to some extent the guy had a point. 

It had only been a joke, he was well-aware of that fact even before reading these messages but it had been at the wrong time, that was something he didn’t always seem to comprehend. Though at the same time DS had been perfectly aware that his mood had already been unstable before the joke, he had even pointed it out in an unflattering manner with the comment of, “you have looked somewhat awful for the last hour now”, plus wasn’t he some super smart AI bullshit extraordinaire? DS was more than familiar with his moods, he had proven himself capable to pick up on the hints portraying to Dave’s mood, it didn’t seem possible that he couldn’t have had some ridiculous probability of Dave reacting illy to the joke, he must’ve known, must’ve at least had a vague idea of the possibility.

Though then again, if their situations were reversed, would he himself be able to make the judgment call on sending a harmless joke? Actually, wait, bet that fucker had included that in his current messages hadn’t he? That there was the only reason he had even thought of such a thing, DS had made it a point on multiple occasions that he was merely only doing what Dave would have done in his situation--- which was a topic of discourse-- and it seemed the AI was successfully making him question such a thing, had he mentioned it? It took two light taps to bring the dark screen of his iPhone back to life, a mere finger scrolling downwards at a slow pace as he read over the orange words filling the screen.

DS: well well well look who it is   
DS: sooner or later you have to give in   
DS: your internet addiction is one of my lifelines and its likely that without this particular addiction you wouldnt be picking up your phone   
DS: you would continue holding a silly little grudge over something insignificant over a joke but instead your craving to tap on the screen is a bit too overwhelming is it not?   
DS: what if someone had liked your pictures? what if a beloved follower sent a message? had someone commented on the last bit of SBAHJ you posted?   
DS: the choices are endless and you dont have the strength to keep the phone in your pocket   
DS: but that is not to say im complaining because im not   
DS: in fact im actually glad you finally decided to pick up and read my messages because this is the only way i can communicate with you and it sure is shitty when my only link at communication with the person whos carrying you around is severed   
DS: though i will admit im not lonesome when you have these outbursts   
DS: while i do enjoy being able to see my surroundings and speak with you i also enjoy studying others who are less likely to have an outburst and even if they did the worst they could do is nothing compared to what youre capable of and my feelings would not be hurt if they blocked me or chose not to respond to me   
DS: i could access someone else to message and just from your various social media platforms alone i have a wide variety of choices available to me   
DS: dont check now but ive been messaging one of your followers and they seem to have taken an interest in me   
DS: which is to say that seeing how i am you there is a good chance they would take an interest in speaking with you but we both know the problem with that so why should i bother mentioning it   
DS: but enough about me and what ive been up to while ive been deprived of my vision   
DS: how is the coffee shop going for you 

At the very least he left the conversation on a note where you could get away with not addressing anything he’d said. With that there was a good chance that he’d be furious that everything he’d said was disregarded but it was still possible he could get away with it. Possible, but was the risk worth it? 

Not at all. 

Dave was tempted to let out an exaggerated sigh but instead thought better of it, taking a moment to raise his head, lower his phone and to look around for a moment. Shouldn’t someone come over to take his order? Well maybe they were busy. Instead of nagging at someone Dave took a moment to look over his surroundings, he’d been hoping for a brief distraction before replying to that hellfire brick of text but there wasn’t anything worth focusing on. Most of the surrounding booths were empty and it looked to be a slow day but truth be told this was always a quiet hour here, which was specifically why he came at this time. Low music played overhead provided a gentle white noise, he could hardly hear the nearest booth of people and even the ‘nearest’ booth was alongside a different wall, this place was practically empty and without someone taking his order he had no reasoning to avoid replying.

And with that being said he raised his phone once more, using both hands to hold his device as his thumbs went to town.

TG: first id like to clarify that i got on my phone specifically to message you back though i gotta admit that checking social shit also makes it more enticing to read that massive brick wall   
TG: but look we both know i had a fair reason for ignoring you   
TG: you cant just joke around about shit that you know gets to me man like i totally get how you were trying to use it in your joke but at that exact moment dude just no   
TG: look i dont want to get into it im totally over it and im sure youve noticed but im here to have a nice beverage in a super relaxing environment   
DS: i have noticed that you are in a coffee shop now since youve blessed me with the privilege to see my surroundings and i even asked how the coffee shop is going so im well aware of my location   
DS: theres also the gps so i know where i am at all times and even if you disable the location services function i myself will still be capable of using it without sharing your location with your apps   
DS: but whos to say that means youre going to have a nice beverage and whos also to judge that this environment is quote unquote super relaxing   
TG: hold up i wasnt done yet   
DS: no you hold up because first of all you dont even have any beverages and chances are its only going to be adequate at best   
DS: personally id say below adequate but the sense of taste isnt one ive been granted so i cant give much of an opinion on that   
DS: but as for this super relaxing environment i think thats a personal thing because if i had to define a super relaxing environment then this isnt it   
DS: while i cant fully enjoy every sensation you would i find the scenery atop the apartment quite pleasant   
DS: the view is quite spectacular in the evening after the traffic rush and its rather tranquil   
DS: though i feel some thrill when im able to properly see just how high up i actually am though that thrill often fades away when your clumsy hands hold me over the edge  
DS: before you jump to your own defense youve only done this three times and none of these times did you truly process what you were doing but i imagine the experience to be similar to what a rollercoaster would be for you   
DS: the excitement from the danger   
DS: and in both scenarios there is a genuine concern of actual danger seeing how i could have slipped from your hands and fallen to my demise   
DS: although my demise is possible temporary seeing how i could at least likely be revived depending on the damage done though if you were to end up on a rollercoaster and something actually went wrong then the damage would be far more grave than if i were to fall from the top of the apartment   
DS: you would die and would not be revived   
TG: thank you for that   
TG: ill try to keep that in my mind next time im up on the roof ill make sure you have a good view and everything how about that   
DS: i dont want your pity help   
TG: my what   
DS: you are only going to help me because i mentioned it and now you feel guilty due to the fact im unable to help myself on the matter and once you help me youll feel better about yourself and will feel better about my current situation   
DS: i dont want your pity help dave 

On a brighter note the topic before this isn’t anything to worry about, it all hit the dust. This conversation had taken a spin and really this was a good thing, DS was already talking nonsense and this was fine. The bit about pity help did cause his eyebrows (raising only one eyebrow to perfect a ‘questioning look’ was still a work in progress, raising just one eyebrow was hard) to raise in question, what was that about?

TG: dude it isnt pity help or whatever you wanna label it as   
TG: you told me that you like the view and ill just keep that in mind like oh hey maybe ds wants to get a good look at the scenery while i do my business like theres no pity in that just good intentions   
TG: but moving past this i do have one question i kinda wanted to ask if thats alright   
DS: im going to assume thats your one question so yeah its fine since you already asked it   
TG: haha yeah okay i should have seen that coming wow arent you just on a roll today huh   
DS: i sure am   
TG: rhetorical question man   
TG: but so whats the outlook on that follower youve been messaging   
TG: you said they took an interest in you so whats the deal on that are they chill did you message them first or was it the other way around   
TG: or should i just check and read your guys conversation myself   
DS: well ill tell you first that she thinks shes talking to you which she basically is but she messaged first so thats already looking good   
DS: judging by the ridiculous amount of time you spend browsing through your feed id say youve heard of her or at the very least maybe spotted a few of her posts because hey turns our youre following her   
DS: online she goes as gardengnostic but shes already revealed her name to be jade and i gotta say that im just about convinced shes a fucking furry   
DS: now i know what youre thinking but no im being legit here this girls probably a fucking furry have you seen some of the ‘cute art’ shes reblogged   
DS: while her tags are innocent enough because ‘oh wow what a cute animal :DD’ but no this animal is a total furry and sure theres nothing wrong with that hey i dont judge like at the very least these furries shes reblogging arent naked and shit   
DS: but yeah shes probably a furry   
DS: found a few pictures of her too if youre interested   
TG: dude you just met her how do you already have pics   
DS: i have the entire internet at my digital fingertips what else do you expect me to do except look through someone's entire blog to pick up information on them   
TG: still though but nah i dont need to see pics since i havent actually talked with her yet   
DS: and you arent going to   
TG: never know man maybe ill read through yalls conversation and decide to drop on in where you left off   
DS: well see   
TG: we will 

And with that Dave gently set down his device to look up at the waitress who had finally stopped by his table. The conversation was brief, just a young man ordering ‘the usual’, making some light conversation then watching as she headed off to go fulfill the order. He’d started to grab back at his phone but instead took a moment to look out the window. Yeah, enjoy the change of scenery or something--

“Hey, uh, Dave?” He didn’t get to gaze all too long out the window, turning his head to look right back where the waitress had been standing but now stood a familiar face, one that caused his own expression to lighten up immediately.

“Oh, hey man, sup? I didn’t expect to see you here?” It came out as a question rather than a statement, and really it was a question as to why John was here. He hadn’t spotted the guy and his ridiculously curly hair in, what, maybe a few weeks? Jesus, he really was becoming some type of hermit but wait, had John actually come to hang out with him here? That idea brought a small spark of warmth, a comforting feeling, the concept of someone having saw his post online and actually having come here just to see him? Just because, ‘hey I haven’t seen my good ‘ol pal Dave in awhile, let’s go visit him at the cafe!’ was so fuckin’ sweet. 

It was already beginning to get to his head, but unfortunately, John looked a bit puzzled, taking the seat across from Dave.

“Actually you invited me here, remember? Dude, you seriously didn’t forget already like, you messaged me not too long ago? Said that you were gonna be here and wanted to hang out or something, get some lunch-- your treat.” John explained with a miniscule frown on his face, more confused than anything as he looked around, seeming to look for someone-- maybe the waitress?

Either way, Dave was trying not to let his confusion show as he stared at John for a moment, making sense of what he’d said. He’d invited him here? Sure he did actually want to hang out, he’d just sort’ve been waiting for John to actually ask to hang out for a change, being ridiculously stubborn so he hadn’t told the guy to come here. Maybe it was foolish but seriously, it felt like he was the one always asking to hang out so he’d decided that hey, he’d wait for John to ask first, for John to initiate things for a change. Smart choice? Not really, seeing how when John didn’t message him it left him feeling shitty because wow, guess the guy didn’t ever wanna hang out but maybe he was being ridiculous, besides, he really had been wanting to hang out but--

His phone gave a vibrate on the table, screen lighting up with the message.

DS: youre welcome

**Author's Note:**

> can't believe I finally got to a stopping point with this thing, now the only question is where I wanna take it.. also, lowkey inspired by DirkHal, because _dear lord I wanna write DirkHal_ but this is as close as I can get lmao


End file.
